The House that Farts Built

Please excuse the title. For this month's classic movie review, I am going to break a little from the norm. The movie in question broke so many barriers I don't know where to start, and you'll have to forgive me, Mom, because I am going to talk about farts. That's right, a movie who's center attraction was the loudest, most outrageous, most hilarious fart scene in film history. I am of course talking about one of the funniest comedies of all time: Blazing Saddles. Mel Brooks' work of genius was and is to this day, one of the most un-P.C. movies ever made. You couldn't make a film like this today, you just couldn't, not without complete backlash of all of society's self-picked watchdogs. Racism is rampant, rape is mentioned as a fun pastime, govenrment officials are complete kooks or just plain evil, and religion is poked fun at. It even has a scene with gay dancers dancing "The French Mistake". All this and more resides in a movie from 1974. If something outrageous in a comedy made you laugh and think "That's never been done before", think again, because Blazing Saddles probably did it. If you didn't see it in this movie, it was most likely written for the film but not allowed to stay in. Not only did Mel Brooks write for it, but even the great stand-up comedian Richard Pryor wrote for it, along with three other writers, plus input from the actors themselves.

Blazing Saddles did many things that even today's comedies might not do. The "N" word is said so many times that it would rival a rap song... make that a rap album. A lot of racial slurs made it into this movie. The thing is, the people using the "N" word are usually inbred white trash. The small western town of Rock Ridge, in danger of being destroyed by the evil, moneyhungry railroad builders, is seemingly full of kinfolk. Every member of the town hall has the same last name: Johnson. Hey Carl, are any of them related to you? ;) The people in charge of overseeing the railroad construction are all dumb Cowboys. One of the head cowboys commands his troops to "Dock that Chink a day's pay for nappin' on the job", when one of the few Chinese workers collapses from heat exhaustion. Toward the end of the film, as the railroad workers request some land to call their own in exchange for helping Rock Ridge fight its enemies, one of the leaders of Rock Ridge agrees to give land to some of them, "but we don't want the Irish!", but eventually gives in and agrees to accept everybody. Even Mel Brooks himself gets in on the jokes and plays a small part as the chief of the Sioux indians, only he speaks Yiddish. Although many of today's comedies are much more edgy and are aiming to push the envelope of political correctness and good taste, this movie outdoes them in droves, and it is over 30 years old! Yet, it still manages to be funny and not offensive. Most of today's over-the-top comedies can't succeed in being funny, but succeed completely in being offensive. This film never has to coax a laugh out of you by saying "Relax, it's just a joke! Don't be offended! It's just a movie." Blazing Saddles' raunchiness is overshadowed by its humor.

And speaking of which, it certainly is a laugh factory. Back to the centerpiece of this comedy: the fart scene. It remains to this day the funniest moment in film. Not before, not after, not ever, have I laughed more in my entire life than the first time I saw it. Nothing but a rabble of bandit Cowboys sitting around the campfire eating beans, LOTS OF BEANS, and letting nature take its full course, so to speak. I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe. I must have lost conciousness for a short moment. I can say with full conviction that I have never laughed harder. I am sorry that many of you are put off by bodily humor. The sound of a fart in all its glory doesn't make you giddy. I feel for you. I am sorry that something so simple, so natural, so necessary, doesn't make you keel over red faced and breathless, holding your sides. The beauty of it was the overtly loud presentation. Each one was louder than the other, and some were so rambunctiously loud and potent that they only could be called "superhuman". "How 'bout some more beans, Mr. Taggart?" "I'd say you've had enough!"

Another barrier tackled is the concurrence of the storybook west and the real world of the movie studios. As Rock Ridge's inhabitants and the railroad workers duke it out with the bandit Cowboys, the fight carries over into other sets on the Warner Brothers lot, into the studio commissary, and out the front gate, reminiscent of the Benny Hill show when all the actors and pretty ladies would chase eachother around in hyperspeed. It gets your blood pumping and makes you want to get in on all the fun! The head Cowboy(Slim Pickens) goes as far as to say he's working for Mel Brooks. Hedley Lamarr(Harvey Korman), the film's heavy, actually enters the famous Mann's Chinese theater, trying to pass himself off as a student to get a discount, orders a pack of raisinets, and watches the film he is currently starring in, only to learn that he is being followed by Sheriff Bart. The film is capped with our hero, Sheriff Bart(Cleavon Little), and his sidekick, the Waco Kid(Gene Wilder), riding off into the desert sunset in a stretched limo. Classic.

Now, about the title of this post. I bought the 30th Anniversary Special Edition DVD of Blazing Saddles just the other day. Towards the end of the behind-the-scenes featurette, the producer, Michael Hertzberg, mentions that when people ask him about his success, he always tells them that he is living in the house that farts built. And a fine house it is, sir. A fine house indeed.

Powell out, Stern to shout

So Michael Powell has resigned from his position as chairman of the Federal Communications Commission, and Howard Stern is jumping for joy. Now there is one less person in the way to prevent him from spouting any and all kinds of perverted filth across the airwaves. Stern is quoted as saying "Thank God he's gone. This is a great day in broadcasting." Good for you, Howard. Goodness knows the world is a better place with your witty, intelligent radio show bathing our ears in quality broadcasting excellence. Free speech is all about saying what you want, without the Government stopping you, right?
You know, Howard, it is up to you to create the broadcast excellence. Free speech or no, I still think it's wrong for you to spew forth explicit, expletive-laden trash talk without one iota of conscience to hold you back. Please, for the advancement of our species, inject more quality/less low-brow-gutter-dwelling-basura. The Government won't stop you, and neither will Michael Powell.

Political update

The inaugural event yesterday was pretty amazing. Many many people showed up to that historic location, even in the freezing cold. I am very thankful that it went off without a hitch. I just know the terrorists are seething with rage and hatred for our President and the success we hold throughout the world. They would just love to rein in our parade. Well, they need to just admit that their hold on the oppressed cannot last much longer. Unfortunately, there are many in positions of power who are willing to fund their campaigns of hatred and murder. I hope they know that their actions will not go unchecked in the longrun. History will find them out. Their legacies of death will show them as the evil in-humans they are.

God Bless America and all free peoples.

Focus, Harry. Focus

You are the Prince of England. You are always in the spotlight. You are 20 years old, and therefore are responsible for your actions. I don't think it wise to wear a Nazi outfit, costume party or no. If you were acting in a role that required you to be a Nazi, that's one thing, but this is wholly another.

I would hate to be the one responsible for looking after this royal brat. Too much public scrutiny. Now the whole of England has to deal with this bad decision. It's bad enough that Prince William had a few run-ins with bad behavior, but now this? Oy!

Think, man. Think!

A Commercial Success

Saw a great commercial the other day. An old man walks up to what appears to be a help desk, holding in his hands a small box. As he sits, the worker behind the desk inquires about his problem. So what's the problem? The old man says his invention is in this box, and everyone will want one. Yet, his company is small and does not have the resources to take on the task of getting this invention out to the masses. The worker behind the desk takes a look inside the box, and his expression goes from slight arrogance to awed wonder, and the old man goes "Shhhhh." The old man is great. Very funny. The moral of the advert: IBM will help your business grow.

Runner up: A commercial for Geico Auto insurance is being filmed. The announcer says to the camera: "It's so easy, even a cave man can do it!" Instantly, the boom mike operator, a shirtless cave man, throws down the mike, points to the man and declares "NOT COOL!" and storms off the set. Later, the commercial is aired on TV. As the announcer says the line, a cave man stands up from his couch and quips to the TV "What's that supposed to mean?" as his friend, another cave man says nonchalantly: "That is really condescending." A third cave man is playing a soft tune on a grand piano in the background. Loved it!

p.s. I am eternally angry with Geico. I used to have auto insurance with them, and they screwed me royally. I'll never go back. Never EVER!!!!! That's a whole other story.

The People's Choice?

So it happens the other night: Michael Moore wins the People's Choice award for favorite movie.

He creates a movie with such vile and utter contempt for our Nation's President, and he is rewarded for it? I find it rather funny that, had anyone...ANYONE in Iraq even attemted to create something even remotely similar to this film, criticizing Hussein, Saddam would have allowed his torture squads to beat this person senseless, using all forms of inhumane torture; which the liberal left shuns with all their hatred; kill his family and finally him. But I guess, Moore was right to think that Iraq was just a peaceful country where the children played in the morning light and all was hunky dorey, until us evil Americans showed up.

The liberal elite who shower Moore with praise are blind to the true events of the world. They think they are compassionate, and care about all peoples of the world, yet they fail to see the true evil Saddam and his regime bestowed upon the good people of Iraq all those years. All they need is for Moore, or some other liberal conspiracy theorist to create a film blaming Bush for the tsunami and the devastation along the Asian coast, and they'll have another film to honor. And more ego to gain.

THX: The Audience is Deaf

You know that THX trailer? The one where the blue rectangle appears onscreen, some words fade in, and your speakers proceed to blast your ears into oblivion? That's the one!

During an episode of the Simpsons, season 5, there is a scene in a movie theater. The THX logo comes up and the sound is so loud, the people are pushed back in their seats, a man's teeth shatters, and finally, a man's head explodes and the audience cheers!!!! Grandpa Simpson then yells "Turn it up! Turn it UP!!"

Just another one of the countless reasons I adore The Simpsons.

Weather Woes

It's been raining all year! Can you believe it???

What's worse, the folks up there in Oklahoma City got themselves pounded by an ice storm. Mom and Dad were stuck in the house 'cause their car doors were frozen shut! Imagine that.

A close friend in Denver informs me that it is 1 degree and snowing cats and dogs.

Here in Dallas, it's just soggy and around 65 to 70 degrees during the day.

I don't mind it getting colder, but ice storms? You are not welcome here! I will say "good day" to you sir!

A major award!

I won, I won, I won!

Secrets of Home Theater and High Fidelity, an online audio/video magazine(see links section to the right), had created an online forum last year. As an incentive to get more people registered and posting, a set of very nice prizes were up for grabs. Random posts would be drawn, and prizes awarded. Well, as luck would have it, I won!!! Woo-hoo!!!

The prize list was a good one. DVD players, loudspeakers, a projector, cables, and other products were featured. Some of them quite expensive! I was lucky enough to win a set of tower speakers from an Australian company called Krix. These things are übersweet! They fit so well into my home theater. This is the biggest thing I have ever won in my life. The only other comparable prize I ever won was a box set of James Bond DVDs a few years ago. As you can imagine, the speakers are much more substantial.

A great thing about these Krix Lyrix Gold speakers, so named, is that I have to get out all my CDs and LPs and listen to them again. It is a joy to hear the full quality of the recordings, now that I have a much more capable system. I will be posting a review of them on the Secrets forum website in the near future, and will provide a link so you can hear(as in "read") me brag!

THANK YOU, SECRETS!!!!!!!!!

Feliz Año Nuevo!

Happy New Year, that is!

2004 sure was a fast year for me. I guess it gets that way when you get older. When you are young, you wait with anticipation for the coming events of your life, and time seems to go by so slowly, so you lose patience, and want it all to happen soon. As you grow older, many events are over and done with before you know it, and you seem to feel as if time is fleeting. It makes you look back and say: "Wow, all this happened so fast. I'm getting too old too quickly!"

Enjoy life while it lasts. Be thankful for what you have, and strive to be your best. Many things have brought us down in recent times, so we must reverse this trend and bring ourselves back up.

As "Weird Al" Yankovic says: "You gotta grab life by the lips and YANK as hard as you can."